Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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