Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
