just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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