this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
