I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
even my farts smell like vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I see more hoeing in ur future
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