Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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