Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
