woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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