why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
