Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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