Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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