Porn is love you can see.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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