What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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