yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
