maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
