So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
