i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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