My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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