They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
