i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
