I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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