i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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