Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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