Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize