I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
