Will you blow on my dice?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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