Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
