Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
