i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
