There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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