why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
