Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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