The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's never too late to be topless.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
