the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
