How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
