the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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