he puts the penis in happiness.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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