I hate your face
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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