I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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