Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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