I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
