that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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