who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
two words: eviction party
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
