I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
