I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
