i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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