i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
