Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
