you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
