I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
