: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
