I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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