Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
NoShamevember. You game?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is classic penis vs brain.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
