who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's always time for handjobs
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
