Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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