he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry about my life...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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