so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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