Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
