I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
