you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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