How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
