Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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