my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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