I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How's work?
Spinning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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