Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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