I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
