Where is the hickey?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
