Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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