I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
