My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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