She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
