This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am one with the molecules
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
