im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
only if we run a train.
done.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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