did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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